Top ten political kisses

Written by Anoosh Chakelian on 22 August 2012 in Culture
We’ve had Reagan and Thatcher, Blair and Brown, but not all political reationships are long-term love-ins. There’s always room for a Valentine's fling…

Like a grainy photo you find crumpled at the bottom of a box of love letters, this is a reminder of a love that was – Merkozy. Now we have the tempestuous romance of Merkel and Hollande instead, known affectionately as Merde.

Ed Miliband  
This is actually plasticine, and the figures are about eight inches tall. It’s the Aardman creation in which Ed ‘Wallace’ Miliband gets up to his usual hijinks and then decides he wants to present a more touchy-feely image to his public. Cracking policies, Gromit.

David Cameron
Dave gets only the cursory peck-on-the-cheek treatment from Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. Apparently, she had been “eager” to meet him ahead of her husband’s visit to London in 2010. How eager do you think she looks here?

George Bush
George Bush appears to be going in for the kill here at this senior citizen lunch he visited during his presidency. It looked set to spark off a whole new ‘special relationship.’ Not pictured: Blair neglected, silently weeping.

Ed Balls
As Balls prepares his pout with as much relish and calculation as he would a put-down of the government’s budget, or when preparing a strategic lasagne, we can only hope for poor Harriet Harman’s sake that he’ll lean in just left of centre.

Boris Johnson
Boris, it would seem, doesn’t have to campaign. Boris doesn’t have to engage. Boris simply emerges from taxis in Chingford on occasion and pedestrians shower him with kisses. Poor Ken never quite got the hang of this strategy.

Tony Blair
We are quite confident that Cherie’s look of abject alarm is undoubtedly a response to the disturbing length and breadth of her husband’s crow’s feet, and totally unrelated to the Labour Party conference keynote speech he’s just delivered…


Hillary Clinton  
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like being a politician in America, here’s proof that there’s no undignified, rain-drenched campaigning, shrivelled pasties – damn the expense – and awkward conversations with inner-city school kids. There are only embraces with knighted rock legends.

Alex Salmond
Getting well ahead of the game, Salmond’s grasping and passionate clinch with SNP deputy leader Nicola Sturgeon, just before his victory speech as Scotland’s first minister, looks suspiciously like a union to us… Boom, boom.

Jacques Chirac
Is this little French girl about to kiss Jacques Chirac, or spit at him? Difficult to say… but we think it’s probably the latter. Something tells us she’s not the kind of mademoiselle to take the news that Monsieur Chirac had a history of embezzling public funds lightly.



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