Aviva Total Politics 2010 Election Map

Total Politics - because knowledge is power

 

If I were PM...Theo Paphitis

 

 

 The Dragons' Den star on his rip roaring new anthem and calling the architects of the financial crisis to account

 

 

What political party would you stand for?

 

The People's Party.

 

 

Why should we vote for you?

 

Because you would get it as it is.

 

 

What would you do on your first night in No 10?

 

I would spend all night awake thinking 'how the hell did I get here?'

 

 

Are there any current politicians you would put in your cabinet?

 

I would only put people in my cabinet who have work experience. Nobody should enter politics without going to work first. Politics is not a proper job. I don't know any other industry that operates in the same way.

 

 

Who would you take advice from?

 

I would take advice from people who have done it and been there and, above all else, haven't got an axe to grind.

 

 

What would you legalise?

 

I wouldn't want to legalise anything that is currently illegal. I think we are quite liberal enough as it is.

 

 

How would you tackle the current economic crisis?

 

Easy. I would do the right things that should have been done over a year ago but politically seem to be a problem. The first thing you need to do is create jobs, jobs and jobs. The biggest problem in any economy that collapses is confidence, it is more important than anything else. Instead of taking 2.5p off VAT, I would use that money to create jobs (and a lot more of them) so people have the confi dence that they will be in work. Then they have the confidence to spend and when you are spending you are fuelling the economy - it's not rocket science.

 

 

Who would you place in the Tower of London for the rest of their life?

 

There's going to have to be some sort of inquiry into how we got ourselves into this fi nancial mess and when that happens and the culpable people are found, they'll need to explain themselves. And I don't believe that's just the people in power now, or just specific members of the government. Then the guilty will be in serious danger of either going into the Tower or appearing on Big Brother, as we could leave them in there forever, watching them gauge each other and blame each other and kick each other, all the little secrets would come tumbling out.

 

 

Who would you invite to a dinner party at No 10?

 

I would have dinner parties twice a week. I would just pile people in from all walks of life and that would be my sounding board.

 

 

In a hung Parliament who would you go into power with?

 

I would be quite relaxed; you don't have to go into coalition with anybody. I am apolitical, but I know people in all the parties; some good, some bad, some indifferent. But there are so many upright, good people who could do so much for this country but never get a chance of sharing power. I would say 'everybody stand up and everyone  who doesn't want to govern sit down' and the ones who remain standing we choose from, irrespective of party. Then you look at the candidates you've got and say 'he knows what he's talking about, he's a good guy and he will make a good minister' and you put those people in the right jobs.

 

 

What would you have as your national anthem?

 

I would have some rip-rousing, happy song, the sort of song that would come on and you would find yourself singing to it and beating on the steering wheel in the traffi c jams on the M25.

 

 

What legacy would you like to leave?

 

He came and didn't screw us and then he buggered off.

 

 

 

Enter the Dragon by Theo Paphitis is out now in paperback (Orion, £7.99)