Upon 12/12/12, David Cameron’s celebration of today’s news that unemployment numbers are down as “welcome” rang rather hollow – too little, too late, considering the world would end at 12 minutes past 12. Conveniently slap-bang in the middle of PMQs.
You see, this dirty set of dozens is seen as the end of the world by some doomsayers, including the obligatory excitable conspiracy theorists, those wrongly interpreting the Mayan calendar, and Tory backbenchers predicting the onset of Armageddon by gays and Eurocrats, menacingly wielding wind turbines and bags for life.
But it seemed Ed Miliband had no idea, preferring doggedly to trundle down the rocky welfare route, reminding the PM that cuts to tax credits and a real-terms benefits rise of 1% would affect working households, rather than those with their curtains mysteriously closed.
Apparently George Osborne is one these, with the Labour leader describing to us the “cleaner who cleans the chancellor's office, while his curtains are still drawn and he’s still in bed.” Why do you think they’ve closed their curtains, Ed? THE END IS NIGH.
If he did know, he must’ve been a little too confident the Bullingdon Club will be going to hell, where they won’t find him, as he devoted his last below-the-belt dig on earth to a class squabble: “I've heard everything when the boy from the Bullingdon Club lectures people on bullying. Have you wrecked a restaurant recently?”
But Flashman Cameron had bigger fish to fry, let alone toss boisterously at a pleb restaurateur and scarper back to the boat club, having to grapple with Lib Dem MP John Hemming asking if he “proposes the repeal of Magna Carta,” in light of his impatience with judicial review. The PM was adamant he didn’t want to repeal it. But we all know he doesn’t have a clue what Magna Carta means.
Not that it matters, the next apocalypse is a week away. You can’t legislate easily in the afterlife. Or is that the coalition?