“I’d love to have a Liberal Democrat government. I’d love to be prime minister.”
That’s what Nick Clegg revealed to the main hall in his Q&A session today.
But for the time being, it appears he will settle for headmaster.
A cheesed-off headmaster who does not take kindly to disobedience from his conference audience (or school assembly, as I now see it).
He did not like people who waved to get noticed. He didn’t like people who asked questions of self-interest. And he especially did not like people who did not to pay attention.
The first person to come up against Headmaster Clegg wanted to know how the government might prioritise investment and infrastructure in British businesses.
It seems that kind of question is not welcome in Birmingham.
“We can’t and I don’t think we should…”
Clegg hadn’t even finished his question when the prefects in the audience started clapping in agreement.
“I haven’t finished my question,” he smiled appreciatively. “Keep this up with my speech on Wednesday.”
He turned to the British-jobs-for-British-workers-man with a stern face. “It’s illegal as a term of our membership of the EU. To be open to each other is something we should never let go of as a party.”
Next came high-speed rail man from Banbury (one of the areas that objects to the HS2 route).
“And you’re from Banbury?” Clegg inquired again. “Not [that I am] trying to portray you as a vested interest.”
Banbury was not prepared to accept these Nimby-ist accusations: “I don’t want to put answers in your mouth, Nick. I’m just asking a question.”
Clegg didn’t like this. “[HS2] makes a dramatic interest to a country. It’s plain and simple. I know it’s not popular in the Chilterns and Banbury,” he replied, with extra emphasis on Ban-bury.
He did make up some ground by announcing a £350m government Girl’s Education Fund to help one million girls in Africa and Asia between now and the end of Parliament.
That got a big clap…
…But then came Chris.
Now, Chris wanted to talk about how difficult it is to get a mortgage, especially when it’s combined with the changes to higher education funding.
But naughty Chris became distracted when the deputy prime minister embarked on his answer.
“Err, Chris, do you want to listen?” said Clegg. “I don’t want to headmaster you…”
Only he did want to headmaster him.
He wanted Chris to listen properly.
He wanted the waving man from St Ives to stop waving – “I don’t normally pick wavers.”
And he wanted the volunteers carrying the mics to be more accurate.
“No, no, the chap there,” tutted Headmaster Clegg.
“We’ve had a really, really tough year,” he told his crowd near the end of the Q&A, perhaps explaining some of his irritability. “But we’ve got to stop beating ourselves up about it.”
The problem is, it was Clegg throwing most of the punches today.
Comments
Be the first to comment on this article!