It really is far too early to write of Ed Miliband. He may be a pretty hopeless leader of the opposition, but he is a by product of history. Labour has to look for a future when all it has is a present, which is a painful and ever recurring past.

But if I were him, I wouldn’t be too worried just yet.

The Labour Party are pretty hopeless executioners. The machinery is cumbersome, bureaucratic and a Mad Hatter’s tea party of total illogicality.

Remember IMOV? No, not a Russian spy, but 'one man one vote'. Well, that’s a bit of a laugh. If I was a woman, an MP and a trade unionist I’d have three votes.

Now, that’s the sort of democracy that Colonel Gaddafi would approve of.

The party agrees that it’s all got to change. And the system must never allow one section to dominate as it did in Miliband’s election. But all of this will take time. For Labour manana seems like a wake up call.

Apart from all of this (and, of course, the policy reviews) who will step up to the plate? Well, not David.  He didn’t have the bottle to challenge Brown and makes Michael Portillo look positively courageous.

The trouble with the Milibrothers is that they appear to have been artificially inseminated in a think tank. When they write, their words are just other worldly. The voters don’t care too much for wonkery. The Milibrothers, Oliver Letwin and David Willetts are the Archbishops of Durham of politics; intellectually brilliant, but should never be let out alone.

So let’s have a look at who could replace Ed.

Balls? Good heavens no. He’s holed below the waterline. The best you can say about him is that he gives the impression that Chucky, the evil doll, would be his caring and sensitive brother. 

Harriet? Don’t be mad. Alan Johnson is far too nice and hasn’t got the killer instinct. Anyway he wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole.

Little Andy Burnham? Pulease!  It would be like electing the Andrex puppy. Yvette Cooper? Promising, but her enemies will destroy her over ill heath.  So who else?

Nobody. Yet.

It really doesn’t matter what Ed says in his relaunch, refloat, comeback, conversation with the nation, fireside chat or however it is spun. Labour just hasn’t the will, the means or the courage to pull the plug. And from what we can gather it will be rather an odd speech. “Labour coming to be seen as the party of those ripping off society,” has a faint whiff of Teresa May calling the Conservatives the “nasty party”.

The trouble is it will be seen as an attack on the left, as they will interpret this to mean that those on benefits are scroungers. More dangerously Balls will interpret this as a slap in the face for his disastrous policy of “light touch regulation” of casino city. But hey-ho.

So Ed will just zombie awkwardly along until someone gives him some saleable policies and teach him to behave like a reasonably normal person.

Or the Tory right blow the coalition to Kingdom come. They are his only hope.

Tags: Ed Miliband, Labour Party