Cure your reshuffle stress with a Russian blonde
This article is from the April issue of Total Politics
The NHS has a number of ‘stress-busters’ online that might be of use. So let’s have a look at some, shall we?
It doesn’t matter if you’re already working every hour God sends you, pull on those short shorts and surprise Dave and George on their early morning jogs. Competition is good, so be sure to race them around the park while making as much noise as possible.
Feeling powerless leads to stress, so grasping the reins of your own destiny is key. Nothing says ‘in control’ more than a loud, expletive-filled speech during a cabinet meeting, and perhaps even a kicked-over chair. You will have dominated the agenda like no one else there.
Connect with people
Since you don’t have any normal friends any more, and you hardly ever see your family, you’re left with your staff, your colleagues or a friendly reporter to offload your worries and concerns onto. Go with the gentle reporter, because ultimately their aim is to help you feel better.
If you get a strong indication you’re going to get dropped at the reshuffle – by which I mean correspondence from the PM, in which he says you’re a useful as a Gillette salesman at a feminist rally – don’t take this to mean you’re on your way out. Respond with a letter of your own, filled with banter about his balding spot and signed off with a winking face. He’ll love that.
...there is the Liberal Democrat nuclear option: that’s you speeding down the motorway with a beautiful Russian blonde perched on your lap, and a ‘herbal cigarette’ the size of a baby’s arm between your lips.
Or maybe just settle for some breathing exercises instead?