Emily Thornberry burns Boris with brutal 'paternity test' joke

Written by David Singleton on 25 September 2017 in Diary
Diary

The shadow foreign secretary weaponised Jeremy Kyle for her audacious gag.

It is early days but Emily Thornberry has taken a commanding lead in the key race to claim Best Joke Of The Labour Conference. Or at least Most Audacious Joke Of The Labour Conference.

Making her keynote platform speech, the shadow foreign secretary set the foundations for her gag by talking about how she would like to see Labour claiming a few big Tory scalps in the next general election.

“It is time to put Labour values, the people’s values back into Government. Because if June’s election taught us one thing, it’s that if we stand behind Jeremy’s principled leadership, if we stand united as a Party, and if we stand on a radical manifesto, there is absolutely no seat that we can’t win.  And no Tory that we can’t bin.

“So next time, we've got to take the fight into their backyard. Let's go round the coast to Hastings. And end the ambitions of Amber Rudd. Let's go to Chingford. And send Iain Duncan Smith to the Job Centre. Then let's go to Uxbridge. And make sure Boris Johnson never, ever gets into Number 10.”

Then, without referring directly to Johnson fathering a daughter after an extramarital affair, Thornberry made a daring foray into the foreign secretary’s private life. And she clearly enjoyed it.

“But Conference, please let’s just take a second to sympathise with poor old Boris. Oh come on, just a second. He’s not been happy lately. Apparently he's sick of being blamed for the way Brexit is going and all the broken promises of the Leave campaign.

“I'm sorry, Conference? I'm sorry? Who does he think made all those promises? Who does he think was in charge of the Leave Campaign?”

“I know Boris doesn’t like paternity tests, but we might need one for Brexit. We need to get him in a studio with Jeremy Kyle:

“Yes, I'm sorry, Mr Johnson…

“We've got the results back…

“It looks like this one is yours…

“It must have been that wild night out you had with Michael Gove.

“I've calculated your maintenance payments…

“That’ll be 350 million a week.”

 

 

 

 

Photo credit: Press Association.

 

 

 

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